If you knew how I felt
by Kiwikatipo
Summary: A murder mystery, someone completely hates Alec's guts and wants to kill him but who? Set 6 years after FN. Alec is happy but Max is miserable. Character death! Dirty secrets exposed.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer the characters of Dark Angel do not belong to me they belong to James Cameron. If they belonged to me I would have made a telemovie tying up Freak Nation.**

**If you knew what I really thought**

_I truly hate his guts. I want to kill him I fantasise about it every day and the ironic thing is when I first met him, I kinda liked the guy._

_She loves him so much, she can't comprehend my hatred for him, she doesn't suspect doesn't want to. Women even transgenic women can be so stupid. _

_I can't believe she is so idiotic to think that I'm happy for her, moving in with that asshole._

Alec picked up the last of Gem's stuff and carried it out to the van. He couldn't believe it had taken four years and a child together, before she'd agreed to move in with him. There was such a thing as being overly independent.

Alec was happy at twenty seven to settle down. He had had enough sexual variety in the year he had got out of Manticore to satisfy most guys, he reckoned. All were ordinaries apart from CeCe, not that anyone had ever known about the two of them. Apart from Joshua at the time, and then Gem and Max two years later. After CeCe had died he hadn't felt like or been in a position to hook up with another X5 or X6. Alec would never consider seriously being in a long term relationship with an ordinary woman. They were too vulnerable and often too stupid in comparison with him. So he had been happy to drift back into his love them and leave them pattern, with ordinary women preferably blondes. He didn't want anyone who reminded him of Rachel.

Then one rainy afternoon he got talking to Gem at her coffee shop, really talking and he realised she was funny and warm as well as sexy as all hell. He asked her out and Gem refused. Alec had been astonished and asked Max what the hell was wrong, with either him or Gem.

Max had explained Gem had had such a bad first sexual experience with her breeding partner; she had been utterly put off sex for the past three years. Max had had a talk with Gem. Alec had never known what Max had said, but Gem had come round to his place that night and asked him out.

_He hasn't changed his spot's leopard's don't do that, and isn't that what he is, part leopard? Part panther definitely like her. She's so graceful like all the X5s. I could stare at her for hours, at her freckles and her long auburn hair. The way she dances round in her coffee shop, in her green sweater and brown jeans. Singing along to the retro grunge station, she likes to listen to. She always wears this silver pendant, he gave her three years ago and I want to lean over the counter as she makes my latte and rip it off her. So she isn't soiled by anything that comes from him._

Gem was unpacking her crockery into the kitchen cupboard. Alec and Gem had bought this their first house together, on the outskirts of Terminal City. It was a home handy man's dream or nightmare depending on your point of view. They were confident they could do the place up successfully. The best thing about the house at present, was the decent sized back yard for the kids to play in.

Not that their son Regan (named after Normal their favourite ordinary) needed that much space he was still an infant, but five year old Eve certainly did.

Max and Logan were kindly baby sitting Eve and Regan for them. It was sad for Max never being able to have children due to the whole non junk DNA thing, Gem reflected. Not that Logan cared, he was totally happy just Max and him. Gem knew it was getting to Max however.

Just as well Alec liked kids. Gem thought gratefully because who knew if his vasectomy might repair itself, the way her transgenic body had slowly grown immune to the IUD she had been relying on for birth control.

Birth control had been a nightmare for the transgenics. Condoms broke. Normal contraceptive pills were ineffective after six months, as the females bodies adjusted to the false hormones.

Dr Sam Carr, Seattle's resident expert on transgenic medicine thought it was because every one had been pumped full of hormones as children.

_It was hideous seeing her pregnant with his child and having to pretend nothing was wrong, offer false congratulations to them both. Trying hard not to puke as he would come in to the cafe all the time, under flimsy pretexts to check up on her during her whole gestation process. It was sick making. Because I knew the truth about the bastard, even if she didn't._

Sketchy and Dix were tying a lamp on the top of the car. Alec gave a quick warning. "Be careful of that it's art deco and her favourite."

"Well you never want to piss off an X5 female." Sketchy laughed tying the lamp securely.

"You know us transgenics too well Theodore." Dix informed him snidely. "Still more material for your articles on us I guess, right?"

"Hey speaking of that. American Home and Garden would be willing to pay you and Gem for an article, on how you guys do up your Craftsman Bungalow." Sketchy offered Alec.

"Tempting," Said Alec as he shoved the box in the car with the other stuff. "But no thanks Sketch, why advertise our location to all the fundamentalist nut jobs who want us and our little _abominations_ burnt at the stake?"

"Understand man, but it would pay for the new bathroom, that money pit house of yours so desperately needs." Sketchy pointed out, getting in the car and doing up his seat belt.

_Of course he contaminates her life with ordinaries. Putting her and her children at risk by having them move out of Terminal City. I saw them the day they had been to the open house. She had had doubts about moving out but he pointed out Max with an even higher profile had successfully moved out of the ghetto, so why shouldn't they? Referring to the only place transgenics can feel safe as the ghetto. Max is another race traitor marrying that ordinary Logan and she wonders why she can't have kids, stupid bitch._

Sketchy drove his car out of Terminal City and carefully indicated to turn left. He drove the short distance to Alec's new house, which was located at the top of a steep hill. To Sketchy's shock the brakes didn't work as he crested the hill.

"What the fuck," Sketchy muttered freaked out, pumping the brakes as hard as he could. The car started to hurtle down the hill. Alec could see instantly what was happening and grabbed the steering wheel off Sketchy. They drove the car left, into someone's front garden. Five doors down from his house, great first impression on the neighbours Alec reflected ruefully.

_Of all the ordinaries Mr Charming hangs round with, I can't stand his friendship with the Journalist Scum Calvin Theodore the most. Always poking round with a camera when he's not wanted. _

_I remember in the early days Theodore wanted to talk to her about the forced breeding scheme. It was great watching her tell him to fuck off, and mind his own damn business. Of course the little ferret got the information out of someone and it got splashed all over the papers, so the male X5s came across as rapists. Just the kind of publicity we needed._

The car crash caused serious apologising to be needed to Mrs Vonmeijden and promises to repair her wall tomorrow. They unloaded the car, so it could be towed to a garage for repairs. Alec finally got to be alone with Sketchy.

"You need to get the police in man, call Matt Sung or Clemente. Someone sabotaged your brakes." Alec said concerned.

"Well journalists make enemies." Sketch shrugged casually. "The list after five years of investigative journalism is long my friend."

Gem came back down picking up another box and dropping off some homemade muffins as an apology to Mrs Vonmeijden.

"Hey," Said Alec trying to snatch one. "Those were meant to be for us."

"I've got leftover cake at home." Gem placated him. "I can't believe someone is trying to kill you Sketchy, you are obviously a real player in Emerald City at the moment and you still helped insignificant us move today." She kissed him on the cheek. "You're a star."

_A weird side effect of her having the bad taste to screw him, was that she became tactile with every adult male suddenly. Like this door had been unlocked in her psyche. She had always kept very much to herself but the past five years she's far more relaxed with touching everyone. I don't know whether to hate him about that or not._

Gem and Alec dropped Sketchy home in Gem's car. Gem turned the radio onto her normal grunge hits of the nineties music station and Alec pressed the button for the Classical Music station. Gem switched it back. They had this battle every time they got into the car.

"This is a real worry about Sketchy huh?" Gem said driving back to their new home.

"He's running with the big guys now. He knew it could happen, he's had death threats before." Alec said calmly.

"Yeah, anyhoo I'm glad you're both okay." Gem said flicking on her indicator.

"Well that's a relief." Alec said. "I guess you must be a little fond of me then huh?"

"A little bit yeah" Gem smiled at her mate. "Max said we could leave the kids at her house overnight remember?"

Alec dropped his hand on her knee and moved it up her thigh. "Oh I'm remembering Gem."

_At least with them moved out of Terminal city I don't have to put up with hearing them fuck anymore. Not that you can avoid hearing anyone fuck if you try and God knows I have, in the Oak street district. All the office walls are paper thin, you go round to someone's apartment for a coffee or something and you'll hear a pair of teenage X6's going for it in the room next door. Accentuated hearing doesn't help._

_They both always sound the same, slipped into a routine they probably don't even know they have after four years. She's the noisy one, he only makes a sound when he comes. It's disgusting and I've had to hear it again and again. All X5 females are noisy when they have sex, must be the panther DNA. _

Dalton came round the next day with his new girlfriend Diana an ordinary. Dalton was working in Jam Pony with Diana. Dalton was halfway through medical school and was taking over completely the rooms, which he and Gem had shared for the past six years.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you guys shift." Dalton apologised. "But I can help you both fix your neighbours wall today."

"Hey Diana's first beauty pageant came first, we understand that." Gem smiled understandingly at the boy, she regarded as the little brother she never had. "How did you go Diana?"

"Runner up." fumed Diana. "I just so don't want to talk about it. Where are the children? I want cuddles."

Dalton helped Gem, Max and Alec quickly rebuild their neighbour's fence and replant her garden. They told Dalton what had happened with Sketchy's car and he whistled. "Serves the nosy creep right" he said shortly. "I know you guys think the sun shines out of his asshole. I don't."

_She had love bites on her throat this morning. I could see them under her purple turtleneck sweater. I always stop at her café first thing in the morning and grab my latte and I stood there like a fool just gaping at them. She's twenty eight and he's twenty seven for god's sake. X5s are like animals, well more than the other transgenics._

Alec stopped into Crash to have a beer with Normal at lunchtime. Alec worked as an employment recruiter for transgenics and Normal provided a lot of jobs for the student transgenics like Dalton, apart from that he and Normal were genuine friends.

"So what's the latest with you Regan?" he asked his friend.

"Anonymous death threats" Normal said sadly. "Threatening to fire bomb Jam Pony, if I don't stop hiring transgenics."

"So what do you wanna do?" Alec said carefully.

"It's my right to hire anyone I damn well want to Alec. Although a volunteer from your people to guard the shop at night for a bit would be swell." Normal hinted delicately.

"Done," Said Alec sipping his beer, "Even if I have to guard the damn place myself."

_I always stop in the afternoons to have any left over cake and enjoy a conversation with her. Today she had Joshua with her, paint all over him yipping on about his greatest new art work. She looked all excited and animated, promised to see the painting after she closed up. How can she be nice to that idiot? I'll never forget him hoisting his pretty flag during the siege instead of sensibly making Molotov cocktails like the rest of us._

Alec spoke on the phone to Gem. "Yeah I have Joshua. We're fine Gem, okay put her on. Goodnight sweetheart, yes Dad wishes he was home too. Put Mom on Evie? Good night Gem, hey can you put that white shirt of mine through the wash if you're doing a load? You're the best babe. Yeah love you too."

"Alec and Gem ever getting married?" Joshua asked. Sadly a life time in the basement had still left him unable to speak normally. Even after six years of freedom.

"Marriage is for ordinaries, we transgenics take mates. That pink themed circus that Max had, is enough to put anyone off." Alec replied. "Want some coffee pal?"

"Max married an ordinary." Joshua said flatly "Mistake."

"Yeah they're both trying you have to hand it to 'em." Alec said opening the fridge. "God what is this stuff?"

"You don't like coming back here, CeCe." Joshua commented.

"It was a long time ago." Alec commented. "She was amazing but it's in the past." He was aware of Joshua shrewd gaze. "Yeah I hate the place."

_Trouble in nuptial paradise for our glorious bitch leader ha ha. I turned up at Joshua's gallery this afternoon, hoping to see Gem there but instead found Max sobbing in that sap Joshua's arms. The stupid cow was going on how she tried so hard but nothing she did seemed to work. She desperately wanted a baby wah wah and Logan didn't want children at all. Logan wanted to move to Washington D.C. and she needed to stay in Seattle.Iit looked like they were separating. Boo hoo, sob, sob. I'd give her a fuck if she wanted, but that stuck up X5 bitch wouldn't look at me. I bet I could impregnate her. Wait till I kill Alec then she'll really have something to cry about. After all the two most loathsome transgenics in Seattle are bestest buds supposedly. I could tell a few stories._

Alec and Joshua waved good night to Dalton and Bullet, who had come to take over their shift. Bullet had come back to Seattle three years ago as part of the regular transgenic traffic between the three transgenic cities. Seattle, Vancouver and San Francisco. There were roughly a thousand transgenics in the world now and they were growing in numbers fast.

All of the 09ers apart from Max lived in Vancouver and Alec was grateful for that, because apart from Syl and Max he found them all weird. Shit that reminded him, there was a package for Gem from Syl. Spices you couldn't get in Seattle at the moment.

"Hold on." He said to Joshua "I need to get something from inside." He tossed Joshua the car keys. "Start the car big fella, it's freezing out here."

It was very similar to Rachel's death the feelings it brought inside him. The shock wave throwing him against the wall. The ringing in his ears. The getting up dazed. Dalton and Bullet holding him back from the flames. The awareness that he was screaming in anger and the sense of unreality about it all.

_Oops missed._


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:**You aren't supposed to know who the murderer is yet the murderer is speaking in italics. Thanks Isobel. Um Gem is very good looking check out the photos of the Canadian actress who played her Erin Karpluk. she also starred again with Jensen Ackles in Supernatural she was the new mother in salvation.

**Funeral for a friend.**

_I didn't mean to kill Joshua he was just an innocent casualty. I feel bad I do. Not so bad I'm going to stop trying to kill him of course_.

"I don't know if I can arrange this funeral." Max said brokenly, to Alec and Mole. "I can't believe he's gone."

"None of us can." Alec said putting his arm round Max's heaving shoulders. "But we gotta stay strong Maxie it's what he'd want us to do."

"I still hate it when you call me that." Max sniffed, smiling though her tears.

"I know Maxie." Alec kissed her cheek affectionately. "So you just put the newspaper notice in Mole?"

"Yeah, I said it was a private funeral held in T.C. I've let his agent Rita invite anyone she thinks would like to attend from her world. She was gutted; there goes her cash cow I guess." Mole said lighting his cigar his hand shaking with emotion.

"Be fair Mole, Rita really was fond of him, she respected Josh as an artist, she saw him as he always wanted to be seen I guess by ordinaries." Alec said sadly.

"What the same ordinaries that killed him?" Max said bitterly. "I wonder how they saw him? Some freak to be killed obviously."

Logan came in. "Max dear I've arranged the flowers from us and got that black suit of yours dry cleaned. I brought lunch for you guys too." He held out bags filled with hot burgers and fries.

"Thanks Logan." Said Mole graciously, his respect for Logan had been grudgingly earned but once it had been, the respect was unwavering. "I'm not hungry though."

"Me neither," said Max, waving the proffered food away. "I'm sorry Logan."

"I understand," Said Logan sympathetically. "Anything else I can do for you guys?"

"Yeah can you give Gem and the kids a lift home? It's pouring down. We're down a car now obviously." Alec gave a snort of disbelief.

Logan found Gem's café abuzz with ordinaries and transgenics alike. The café was busier than normal, because of the rain. No one wanted to leave the warm cosiness of the café and everyone was horrified at Joshua's death.

Dalton was working the lunch shift there. Logan noticed that at twenty one Dalton had turned into a fine young man. Medium height and blonde, with the wiry muscular build Alec had had at that age. Dalton picked up Eve and swung her round. The little girl laughed, she obviously adored the man she called Uncle Dalt'n.

Mole came in to pick up coffee and fetch Luke and Dix. They were going to help plan the readings at the funeral. They were talking in hushed voices to Gem.

Logan waited till Gem took her apron off and then joined him. They walked out to the car. Logan carried Eve for her a courtesy gesture only seeing how Gem could have carried Logan and Eve effortlessly.

"How are you holding up?" he asked her, holding the umbrella above her head, as she strapped Eve into her car seat.

"Okay. Come in and have a coffee, I'll talk to you while Eve has her nap." Gem replied.

Logan was impressed with what Gem had done with the living room, in just four days. She had already painted the walls blue and hung new curtains.

He told her so, as she made him coffee.

"Yeah. I liked the colour green and Alec liked purple, so this is our compromise colour." She said, sitting down with him on the sofa. "You want to tell me Alec is the target of these two car sabotages in a row. I know."

"Alec realises this?" Logan said surprised.

"Of course not, in complete denial." Gem said frustrated. "He's such a risk taker still, stupid idiot."

"I looked up Beresford's whereabouts; he's gone to live in Manchester England." Logan said. "I don't know who else would specifically hate Alec, more than Max."

"Me neither," Said Gem worriedly "Unless they're working their way through her friends."

"Yeah that's occurred to me." Logan sipped his coffee. "I'm going to Washington D.C. next week."

"I heard." Gem said neutrally, focussing on her coffee cup.

"I love her, but it's not working." Logan admitted, he laughed sadly. "I always told her she should be with another transgenic, but she wouldn't listen. You know she pretended to go out with Alec once, to get me not to love her?"

"I heard that too." Gem repeated. "I also heard it was just pretend, and nothing ever happened."

"Yeah huh," said Logan. "I heard that too."

_I know the truth about our precious leader and her third in command. I saw them that night. I see everything. The unimportant get to blend in as background so many times._

_Just like I see how beautiful my titan haired love I,s and how smart. Well apart from her knowing I'm in love with her. But then she's a female. Females can be so stupid with X5 males. I've seen it again and again. When he is gone hopefully I can make her see how much I love her then. Third time lucky and all that._

Alec came home from the funeral and following wake. Numbly he sat in front of the television unseeingly, the channel on rap music on loudly. A bottle of scotch at his hand. Gem put the children to bed and came down stairs.

"Are you going to cry or anything?" she asked casually.

"No." Alec said shortly. "That won't bring the big fella back."

"Do you want to have sex?" Gem suggested, to her mate.

"I never thought you of all people, would be offering me pity sex." Alec grimaced drinking his scotch.

"It's for me." Gem stated coolly, "I feel stressed."

"God that's seductive. I bet you passed the entrapment course at Manticore with flying colours" Alec said sarcastically. "Go to bed. I'll be up after I've had a shower. And I'll act as your human vibrator then."

"Shower's not working remember? We had to cancel the shower delivery to attend the funeral." Gem reminded him, walking away to the bedroom.

_How can a player like that really be happy in day to day domesticity? It'll be a kindness really, to remove him from it permanently._


	3. Chapter 3

**Third time lucky**

_I have had to watch my step the last two weeks. 494 has started travelling to work on his motorcycle which he keeps locked inside his living room. There is more than one way to skin a cat fortunately._

_Our glorious leader and her ordinary husband have finally separated. If it hadn't been titillating gossip all week, I would have worked it out today. I saw Zack and Krit Max's unit mates and 'brothers' at the café today. Well Krit looks like her _brother,_ Zack's just a stalker. You think some people would realise what's obvious wouldn't you, when an X5 female just doesn't see you that way? So I wish Zack luck. We have more in common than I realised._

Alec was surprised to see a message from Original Cindy on his phone, asking him to meet her for lunch in Pioneer Square that day.

In her early thirties, O.C. was still a fine looking woman. She never had found a permanent partner. Alec didn't think she ever would.

He kissed her cheek and sat down with her in the Chinese restaurant. "Spill." He said, "Is it about Max and Zack, her metal head stalker extraordinaire?"

O.C. nodded. "I can't smack him down. I think even you would have trouble boo."

"You've got that right, big brother Zack's got that whole iron man thing going with his arm." Alec looked at her. "Do you really think Max belongs with Logan still?"

O.C. shook her head. "I just doan' trust Zack. It's sad and all, what they did to the boy's brain. But he's never been right since 2020. Krit and Syl should have left him on that farm."

"I disagree there Cindy." Alec said, "I'll have number 5 thanks." He said to the waiter.

"Number 21. How are you Boo? Haven't seen you since Joshua's funeral," Original Cindy commented.

"Surviving." Alec smiled at her. He was always a survivor after all.

_I think this method should work. An oldie but a goodie. Well classics never date do they?_

"Coming." called Alec, as he ran down the stairs. The one day off he had, and the door bell had to ring. Right in the middle of painting Reagan's nursery ceiling.

Max was standing there in her old motorcycle leathers, with a folder in her hand.

"I'm real sorry Alec, but these forms need to be signed by you today." Max apologised to him.

"No problemo." Alec said. "Want coffee?"

"No I've got to take this back to T.C. right away." Max said, handing him a pen. "I like the colour, nursery? She asked, looking at the paint splashes on his clothes.

Alec nodded, as he signed the forms hurriedly

"You're so lucky Alec." Max said softly. Alec put his arms round her shoulders and squeezed.

"I know, but you'll be okay Max. Been enjoying having Krit and Zack in town?" he asked her sardonically.

"I don't know why you don't like them." Max chuckled, rolling her eyes as she walked back down to her bike.

"They're insane!" Alec laughed back at her,he went to his mail box as Max got on her bike.

Max suddenly felt dizzy and as if she was looking down at herself and Alec from a great height, she looked at her wrist, a rune had appeared.

"**Get away from the Mail box!**" Max screamed at him.

Alec stepped backwards and looked at her weirded out.

"One of your little moments?" He asked shakily. Just like during the good times of the T.C. siege he remembered.

"One of my little moments." Max answered equally frightened.

_Didn't they used to burn witches at the stake? Bring back those enlightened times I say. They called in the bomb disposal squad and found my little booby trap. I saw the whole damn thing from the video camera I'd installed, in the roof of the neighbours across the street. Good thing I'm too clever to get caught._

Dani and Nikie the next two X9's to be born after Eve. Were having a pleasant forbidden exploration adventure, around Terminal City. They went into the room that seemed blocked off. They were so small, they were able to crawl over the rubble easily and slip into the basement below. They were amazed at what they had found. But they knew Eve's mom would want to see it. After all it was all about her.

Gem stood in the room with the two little X9's and Max beside her.

"You're pretty all big like that aren't you?" Dani said to Gem.

"Yeah I am." Gem smiled falsely, looking revolted at her painted image on the wall.

"You normally wear clothes." Nikie commented innocently to Gem. "I suppose you posed for this in the bath?"

"Yeah." Gem lied. "Do you think you two can promise you won't tell anyone else about this? I'll give you a free hot chocolate, every Thursday for a month."

The two transgenic children looked delighted. Then Dani looked sad. "Mom said I was never to keep a secret from her."

"I'll talk to both your Moms." Max promised. "You're right you should never keep a secret from your mothers, so we'll let them on this secret too, but no one else, that is an order."

The two children nodded with instant understanding. In spite of Max's best efforts the transgenics still tended to live their lives like they were in the military, and they were carrying it on to the next generation.

Max and Gem looked at the pictures painted of Gem all round the room. It was Max that found the disc, buried in the box under the tile.

"Let's just tell Alec at the moment." Max told Gem. "Pick up your kids and go to my place. I'll tell the Dani and Nikie's mothers to keep their mouths shut about this."

_It was annoying that my little Gallery got discovered. It was so much better than the crap poor old Joshua had produced as well. But I knew I'd left no DNA traces, and these diary entries on disc I keep anonymous. So I'm still cleverer than them. I'll just have to be more patient about courting her when I finally manage to kill him_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Playing girl detective**

Alec, Gem and Max reread the disc entries, again and again. Trying to get a clue as to who it could possibly be, that was writing their insane journal entries.

"I don't think he's an X5." Alec said finally. "Even though he says here, _male X5s came across as rapists. Just the kind of publicity we needed." _

"An X6 then, how else does he know how all the ins and outs of Oak Street and how we sound like making love?" Gem suggested.

"Aren't you glad we moved?" Alec told Gem in a told you so voice.

"Yeah but even I heard you with Alec occasionally, when I went to visit any one in Oak street." Max said uncomfortably. "You are kinda noisy Gem and the walls are thin."

"Okay I'm glad we moved." Gem said to Alec cheeks flaming. "God poor Dalton." She said putting her face in her hands "Putting up with us for four years."

"You mostly did it at my apartment any way hon." Alec said reassuringly. "Anyway all female X5s are screamers it's not just you."

"Alright moving along people" Max said uncomfortably her face going red as well with embarrassment. "We know it's a male because of the sensitive _I'd give her a fuck if she wanted but that stuck up X5 bitch wouldn't look at me. I bet I could impregnate her_ entry."

"Yeah I think it's a freak. You'd look twice at an X6 they're a hot bunch of males." Gem laughed.

"I wouldn't know." Max said stiffly "I was only looking at Logan."

"Liar, Teased Alec "Every chick checks out that X6 Fenn who has a job as a bodyguard to the Mayor."

"Leave me alone," Snapped Max, flushing red again.

"Okay" apologised Alec. "Well can you go all Nancy Drew? Ask around the X6s? Seeing you're so immune to their charms. I'm going to tackle the freaks. Although who do you start with? Everyone hangs out at your cafe Gem. Should I start with Mole one of our best friends? Dix, Luke ..."

"You're not leaving my sight Alec." Gem said angrily. "This maniac's not going to try and kill you if I'm beside you."

"That's true." said Max to Alec. "You guys stay here. There's state of the art security camera's and alarms installed. We made it Breeding Cult proof so it should fend off one psycho transgenic."

"What about you?" Gem said worriedly, to Max.

"I have my runes/she has her runes." Max and Alec said simultaneously. Alec would always be callous about Max's safety he had complete confidence in her ability to look after herself.

_I wonder who found my little hide away. Well they and that bitch Max will know by now, whoever found it. Nothing is private in this damn place. And I'll be on my guard for when Max comes round._

Max decided to start with the X6 closest to Gem, Dalton. Because even though Alec and Gem weren't suspicious of him, Max was. Dalton had been making Max feel uncomfortable for the past two years, and she couldn't work out why. Max had learned to trust her instincts over these past five years.

She was starting to stay awake longer again, her shark DNA reasserting itself but still no seizures thankfully. Max left Gem and Alec in her apartment and went back to Terminal City.

Dalton was in the middle of baking muffins for the café the next day, when she knocked. He unlocked the cafe door and looked at her coldly. "Hi Max what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to ask you some questions about the attempts on Alec's life." Max said looking at her wrist, nothing so far.

"What are you a cop now, as well as our glorious leader?" asked Dalton. He stirred his muffin mix, and poured it carefully into the baking pans.

"I thought Alec was your friend." said Max raising her eyebrows.

"He is, Alec's been great to me since the day I met him, at the fuck up in Jam Pony." Dalton said putting the trays in the oven and setting the timer. "But I don't see how talking to you, when I've got to study for a test tomorrow helps Alec."

"You're an X6, you don't need to study." Max said determinedly. "Why are you trying to get rid of me?"

"Um because I think you're a killjoy bitch." Dalton said wiping down the bench top. "You have been the killjoy bane of us X6s, for the past five years. No drugs, no sex, till we turned eighteen. Like you an 09er weren't doing all that, when you were a teenager.'

"I was trying to protect you all" Said Max woozily. She felt light headed and funny. God Dalton must be the killer. She checked her wrist still no rune.

"Yeah right" Dalton scoffed. He got out a new mixing bowl and started making a chocolate cake.

"I suppose you think I'm a stuck up bitch." Max prodded, standing close to him.

"What? Yeah I suppose so." Dalton said heatedly. "I've been legally an adult the past three years, and you still treat me like the fifteen year old kid you first met, six years ago. Like you X5s think you're so superior to us X6s, because we're more biddable. Well that was Manticore's stupid theory. It's not true, we are just less likely to go insane than you X5s."

Dalton put the cake in the fan oven. "I'm voting for Fenn this election, he's running against you."

Max went over and stood behind the counter with him. "It's a democracy here."

Dalton started to stack the dishwasher having to lift it first to get a dropped teaspoon. "So you say Max." he smiled nastily.

"What are you so angry about?" Max asked noticing how strong Dalton was, he could overpower her easily in a fight, maybe that was why he made her uneasy. "Is it because Gem moved out and left you?"

"Fuck you're another insane X5. Why I would be angry about that? I have my own set of rooms now. Gem should have moved out with Alec, two years ago. I ended up sleeping at Alec's just to get some sleep. Do you know how loud Gem is when she has sex?" Dalton said turning the dishwasher on.

"And you were jealous." Max said triumphantly.

'Um no. Apart from the fact they were getting some, and I wasn't because of your stupid rules." Dalton began peeling hard boiled eggs, from a pot cooling on the stove. "Gem is like the big sister I never had. She was my friend even back in Manticore, we both did kitchen duty together a lot."

"But you think I'm a stuck up bitch? Max repeated, still feeling slightly hurt about that, even though it was a lunatic's opinion.

"You're putting words into my mouth." Dalton said, exasperated with her strange questions, putting the eggs into a slicer.

"And you want to impregnate me?" Max pushed.

"You want me to be a sperm donor?" Dalton said baffled. "Look I know you and Logan are genetically incompatible Max, and I'm sorry."

"How do you know that?" Max asked swiftly, putting her hands in the pockets of her suede coat.

"Everyone knows that. You know how we transgenics gossip. Poor old Joshua could never keep his mouth shut." Dalton shook his head in sad memory.

"I'm not asking you to be a sperm donor." Max said crossly. Great, everyone in T.C. knew about her and Logan's private pain.

"Well why do I feel you're coming onto me Max?" Dalton inquired of her. "Look how close you're standing to me."

Max looked at him her cheeks on fire and tiny beads of sweat on her forehead. Dalton put the eggs down on the counter with a jarring bang, turned round and pulled her hard her in his arms.

'_He's got so tall_.' Max mused as Dalton lowered his mouth on hers firmly, and kissed her. Dalton kissed her mouth again and again until she parted her lips to allow his tongue entry. They stood kissing slowly for a long time until Max felt every part of her being, burn with desire.

"I want you." Dalton breathed in her ear, as he put his hand up her turtleneck and pushed her on the flat of her back, so she was crushed against him.

"I want you too." Max moaned as he kissed and sucked on her neck because like a lightbulb going off in her head, she realised what had happened. The heat cycle Manticore had 'fixed' had come back, six and a half years later. max tried to struggle away half heartedly but Dalton picked her up roughly and put her on the café counter. He pulled her sweater off and started to pay earnest attention to her breasts.

Max moaned as she felt him tug off her jeans and panties and part her thighs with his knee. She was breathing too hard to be coherent enough to help him remove his own clothing. Max heard his zipper being undone and knew there was no turning back.

_Still no knock on my door. I wonder what she thought of my little entry about knowing what her mate and Max had got up to. Is a seed of doubt planted in her mind? There should be._

Dalton looked at Max as they lay on the café counter half undressed and panting.

"What the fuck is going on here with us?" he asked her "Not that it hasn't been great mind you. I can see my letter to _Playboy_ now_ Dear Editor I always thought the stories in your magazine were made up, until one night working in my big sister's café..._"

"I thought you might be trying to kill Alec." Max said stiffly sitting up and rearranging her garments. "I can see I was wrong and I just had sex with you like that because I go into heat sometimes like a cat, and you obviously still have enough panther DNA in you to respond to it. It's a Manticore FUBAR."

"Of course dear old Manticore. I was wondering why the best screw of my life was happening with you of all people." Dalton said adjusting his own clothing. "Damn I'm going to have to redo those eggs, shit." He squatted on the floor and began to clear up his spilt sliced eggs. "So is that it?"

"Pardon?" said Max five years of living with Logan had definitely influenced her vocabulary from the LA gangster patois she use to converse in.

"Well are you just going to walk out that door, and pretend this never happened?" Dalton asked her.

"Yeah, I did used to find this the best option." Said Max simply. "Watch me leave."

Dalton blurred to the exit and held the door shut. "No way Max that was frickin' amazing just then, you can't just ignore chemistry like that."

"I do." Max said bitterly thinking back to an incident in her past. If she had made a different choice, would she be as happy as Gem now?

"You've separated from Cale right?" Dalton confirmed "Well I'm breaking up with my girlfriend Diana, at lunch time and then I'm seeing you tonight you understand?"

"Okay, but I'm not sleeping with you again." Max could hear herself lie.

"Of course you're not." An amused disbelieving Dalton kissed her goodbye on the mouth and Max was embarrassed to find herself sinking into his arms again. Her lips parting under his assault and her treacherous body responding with an increasing pounding heart rate. She pushed herself away and walked to the door.

To her irritation she saw the twenty-one year old X6, was smirking at her. Alec had had far too much influence on Dalton's development, Max decided.

"Hope you find out who's trying to kill Alec." Dalton told her, smoothing her hair back affectionately. He had always lusted after her this was a wet dream come true as far as he was concerned.

"Aren't you going to tell me to be careful?" Max asked him, as she opened the door to leave.

"Why? I just assumed you would be." Dalton told her, as he locked up behind her.

_Because I know what I saw that night in the street and I have the photos of the nights after that and if she knew as well, she might not be so happy with the time her mate and our glorious leader spend together._

Alex came in from his shower, to find Gem rereading the journal entries.

Alec sat beside her and took her hand. "It all happened before you and it wasn't even that much."

"What was it Alec? What did you and Max do?" Gem asked calmly.

"Okay. I had a friend Biggs from my unit." Alec told her admiring her open mindedness, he knew she trusted him utterly. "He was my best friend at Manticore." Alec closed his eyes at the memory it still hurt it always would, just like CeCe, Rachel and now Josh.

"He got lynched and I got upset. I blamed Max. I said stupid things about being assigned breeding partners back at Manticrap. I kissed her and tried to have sex with her that night, after we were walking back from seeing his body. She said I wasn't a rapist at Manticore and I wasn't a rapist now. I cried on her shoulder like a baby and then we went back to Terminal City. I went back with Joshua and bashed up the ordinaries who did it, great closure."

"Yeah I know about that." Gem said to him laying her head against his neck comfortingly.

"You do?" Alec said astonished pushing her away so he could see her face.

"Max told me about it, when I refused to go out with you. When you first asked me out. She said I could always trust you about not forcing a female." Gem told him. "The photos?"

"I don't know what this stalker is talking about honestly, that's the closest me and Max ever came to having sex, just that one time." Alec said relieved that Gem finally knew most of the truth and ashamed of his past actions. "It got pretty ugly."

"But you stopped." Gem said reassuringly.

"Yeah," Said Alec gabbling on, almost making a clean breast of everything. "I did have the hots for Max for a while, because I had this hopeless adolescent unrequited love thing for her clone Sam. But seriously there's nothing between Max and me now apart from friendship, and I love you Gem."

"Yeah I know," replied Gem calmly, getting out her cell phone. "I'm texting Max to see that she's okay. She should have called back by now."

_I think the best thing to do after having seen that little display in the café is to inform dear big brother Zack. I'm sure he'll want to wish his little sister every happiness. I never dreamed Max was such a slut. Max has barely had a conversation with Dalton the past five years, separated from her husband for five minutes and then she's jumping an X6? _

_I'm glad I have a camera installed there to see all the good stuff. I used to like seeing her in the morning, getting everything ready. Sometimes she'd change her clothes thinking she was all alone. She was of cours,e only I could see everything because I'm clever._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 If you knew what I felt.**

_It's her fault I'm in love with her, always smiling at me, always being nice to me, saving me the last of her handmade doughnuts on Friday because she knows I like them. She wouldn't do that if she wasn't a little attracted right?_

_Now it's time to deal with Max. Give her a real problem to deal with, so she stops snooping into my affairs._

Max walked out of the café and straight to her car. If her heat hormones were affecting an X6, who was to know how they would affect every one else? She couldn't risk running into an X5. max certainly didn't want to go back to her place where Alec was. Max realised there was one place in the city she would always be safe and welcome. even if it was five thirty in the morning. She drove over to Cindy's apartment.

_I think that went nicely with Zack just now. I think it's time to show the Vacation Pictures as well. I might not have to even kill him then, but I probably will anyway just to make sure._

Gem went into the café and knew instantly Dalton had done something. She just couldn't work out what.

She went up to him and poked him gently in the chest. "What happened to you?"

"It's too weird to go into Gem but I have to break up with Diana today." Dalton told her.

"That's sad, she's a nice girl." Gem said carefully.

"You never liked me going out with her." Dalton said putting his arm around her. "Admit it Gem, you didn't think an ordinary was right for your adopted baby bro."

"Well have you finally found a nice X6?"Gem pried fondly.

"Something like that." Dalton said with a mysterious grin. He kissed her goodbye on the cheek and left the café off to his morning class.

Gem noticed a pile of sliced hard boiled eggs in the food recycling bin and frowned. Something odd had happened in here she could feel it.

The door to the café opened and Zack walked in. Gem had never liked his clone back at Manticore, and she liked the 09 version even less.

"Where's Dalton?" Zack demanded abruptly.

"Not here." Gem said sweetly. "Why?"

"I need to see him." Zack said frustrated. "Where is he?"

"About?" Gem delayed. She was very protective towards Dalton and sensed Zack meant him ill for some reason.

"Personal business, meaning none of yours," Zack replied rudely.

"Well sorry I can't help you then." Gem replied in a deliberately infuriating tone. "Coffee? This is a café after all, not a missing person's bureau."

"How's your annoying mate this morning?" Zack shot at her. "Not dead yet?"

"Zack I heard you were an asshole, even before you blew out half your brain." Gem told him coldly.

Mole, Dix and Luke came in for their normal breakfast coffees, and did a double take at Gem and Zack's hostile body language.

Zack walked out the door casually, and Gem smiled at her three favourite customers. "The usual guys?" she said.

_I liked the look on Zack's face as he walked out the door. It was like a canvas I painted._

Max sat curled up on O.C.'s couch. "Separated for less than a week and I'm screwing a guy on a diner counter." Max said clutching a cushion for comfort. "I know heat isn't my fault, but I feel so bad."

"Well don't Max." O.C. said comfortingly. 'What happened, happened and Dalton's a nice kid."

"Oh god, please don't call him that." Max said burying her face in a cushion.

"Well not to you, he's twenty one, you're only twenty six it's a better age gap than you and Logan." O.C. said practically. "And from what I've heard in the past five years about you transgenics, admit it Max, did it feel more right somehow than being with Logan?"

"Yeah it was amazing Cindy and that makes me feel bad too." Max threw the cushion across the room in self disgust.

"Sugar, my cushion is blameless here." O.C. sighed. "Stop feeling bad about not being able to question people too. So you're out of action the next three days, while you're here Original Cindy's bathroom needs retiling and I've just got everything delivered do it."

"Wow, the economy must be picking up." Max commented in surprise. Bathroom tiles had been hard to get hold of.

There was a knock on O.C.'s door and she looked through the spy hole. O.C. turned to Max aghast. "It's Zack and Krit." She hissed.

"No, no." Max said despairingly. "I'm going to stand under the shower on cold. Get me when you've got rid of them."

"I'm one ex-marine, not a whole platoon." O.C. protested.

Cindy opened the door but kept the chain on. "Hey boys I'm sorry, but I'm kinda busy now what is it?"

"Is Max there?" Zack demanded. "I need to speak to her."

"Sorry no. But I can pass on any messages if our girl rings." O.C. smiled at them.

"I know she's in there and she can't hide forever." Zack said bitterly. He turned and left. Krit gave Cindy a disapproving frown.

Original Cindy shut the door in relief.

Gem turned up the music on the radio loud. Mudhoney ws on, a ground breaking Seattle grunge band from over thirty years ago. She had just rung Alec to make sure he and the kids were okay, and was reassured to know everything was fine. Alec and Eve were enjoying the penthouse luxury.

Catlady her freak midday assistant grinned, as Gem did her own special Mudhoney dance around the shop. Gem wiped the tables, singing along and came across a large envelope lying on a table addressed to her.

Gem opened it and found a bunch of photographs inside with the master disc, she looked at them and her mouth dropped open in hurt shock. The room went spinning round her, as everything she had thought for the past four years was shown to be wrong and herself a stupid, stupid trusting naïve fool.

She clutched the table trying not to throw up. "Gem, are you okay, you've gone green?" Catlady called across in concern.

"No I'm not okay." Gem panted as if she was physically wounded. "I have to go, I have to see someone." She went behind the counter and took off her apron with shaking hands. She grabbed her handbag and turned to Catlady. "Just cover for me, ring up a friend to help if you need to."

Gem walked out the door ignoring an X6's greeting as he came in the shop.

"Gem you've forgotten your coat." Catlady called after her fruitlessly.

"Is she okay?" Fenn the young X6 Gem had just ignored, asked Catlady.

"I don't think so." Catlady said.

_My poor darling watching her face on my monitor I suppose it's why I didn't do it sooner. I've had those photos in my possession for two years now but she had to know what he was and what he still must be capable of._

Gem couldn't see it was raining so hard. She flicked on her window wipers and it seemed to make no difference. She pulled the car over and got out to fix the wipers. Gem noticed surreally the sun was shining in a clear autumn day. It was her tears overflowing down her face, which were impeding her vision.

She wiped them away angrily and hailed a passing taxi. She wasn't going to crash her car and leave her kids motherless because of 494.

"Where to lady?" the cab driver asked.

"The Seattle Times." Gem directed.

Sketchy looked up in surprise as Gem came into the newsroom, she looked like hell. He got up quickly and went over to her.

"Gem what's wrong? Is it Alec?" Sketchy asked her worried.

"Yeah it's Alec alright." Gem gave a brittle laugh. "You have photographic experts here right?"

"Yeah," Sketchy said puzzled.

"So are _these_ real or faked?" Gem said in torment, taking the photos out of her handbag and passing them over to Sketchy.

Sketchy looked at the photos. He blinked disbelieving, he had sometimes wondered in Jam Pony days, but to see these photos. Poor Gem. Everyone knew how much she adored Alec.

"They look old, these photos." Sketchy said. "Not while you guys were together."

"I want to find out if they're real." Gem repeated on the verge of hysteria "Or if he and Max have been lying to me for the past four years."

"Okay," Said Sketchy slowly. She'd get it done somewhere, at least this way he could ring Alec afterwards and warn him if the results were bad.

Sketchy led Gem to the photo lab and gave her prints and disc to their resident experts Matt and Alison.

Matt whistled. "Hey that is Max Cale and that is not Logan Cale. Isn't that Alec McDowell the transgenic entrepreneur?" he laughed. "Great pictures, are you going to sell them to a tabloid rag you two?"

"This is McDowell's wife." Alison said shortly to Matt. "Aren't you honey?"

"We transgenics don't marry." Gem said coldly. "So are the pictures real?"

"Whoa, they're real alright. They are smoking I think they probably rigged a time lapse camera in their bedroom for these." Matt chortled in glee and insensitivity to Gem's naked anguish.

Alison elbowed him in the ribs. "Same with these pictures on the beach." She frowned. "Enlarge that picture." Gem was transfixed as a larger than life Max and Alec stuck their tongues down each others throats in front of her. Max's hands holding onto Alec's face.

"That's not Max." Alison said interested. "It's not her engagement ring. I've been putting up boring society photos of her and Cale, at charity fundraisers for six years now. She has a square cut emerald engagement ring. That ring is a diamond."

"It's Sam, her clone." Gem whispered relieved. Alec hadn't lied to her and neither had Max. They had never been together, her instincts about them hadn't been wrong. "Try and see if you can read her barcode."

"Tricky," said Matt. "She has that long dark hair. "Hold on here's one at the beach. 332960073453" he read out. "You're amazing Alison."

"And the photos were taken when?" Sketchy asked putting his arm round Gem comfortingly.

"Most likely four and a half years ago." Matt said checking his instrument panel "give or take a day."

"Before you guys got together right?" Sketchy said to Gem.

"Yeah said Gem relieved. "Before us." She gathered the photos and got the negative disc. "Thanks all of you."

She found Alec playing chess with Eve when she got home.

'Are you okay?" Alec said worried. "Catlady rang me saying you'd dashed out of the café looking sick."

"Eve go to your room. I need to talk to Daddy privately." Gem said to her daughter.

Eve went unquestioningly, grabbing Logan's copy of Hans Christian Anderson fairytales.

"I got sent these in the café." Gem said to Alec.

Alec looked at the photos, no expression on his face. "I thought I burnt them." He said flatly. "I was sure I had two years ago with other crap I'd been hanging onto too long."

"So you had an affair with 453." Gem said hurt. "But you never told me."

"I never wanted to because it hurt and it still hurts, but not because I still love her." Alec explained. "But I'll tell you now, for Reagan's sake you should know anyway."

Gem looked puzzled. She poured them both whiskey the transgenics friend in times of stress, it had the most effect on them out of all alcohol for some reason.

"Gem I told you last night I was infatuated with Sam as a teenager. When I met Max I liked her at first because she physically resembled Sam but they're quite different. Max is well, you know how amazing Max is. Sam is different." Alec drank his whiskey in one shot, and poured himself another. "But she shares a problem with Max. She couldn't conceive with her ordinary husband so she came down to Seattle and hooked up with me. We kept it secret, she said she didn't know if she could leave her husband. I was so in love with her god, I'd always been in love with her." Alec shook his head in bitter memory. "And it was great better than CeCe even. She must have left the day she found out she was pregnant. God I was a chump."

Gem looked at him with tears in her eyes. "So Sam's child Kelly, is your daughter?"

"And Regan's half sister and the transgenic population is so small, he has to know that fact." Alec said. "I have never felt so betrayed by anyone as I felt by Sam over that, and I kept hoping she'd come back and she never did."

"Why didn't you go to her and ask her to come back with you?" Gem asked him.

"I did." Alec said. "She was immovable. So that's my dirty little secret." Alec lifted his glass to her. "Isn't it your turn to tell me yours?"

"Hey I want to know I'm not second best." Gem said annoyed.

"You know I love you Gem. I put up with your crap about not marrying me and not living with me for four years didn't I?" Alec retaliated. "So like I said I want the truth about your secret what happened to Eve's father?"

"I don't know." said Gem startled at this bolt out of the blue.

"Bullshit." Alec said in contempt. "I have never asked you before and I won't ever ask you again. Your Window of opportunity closing fast to unburden yourself here."

"I'll tell you but not tonight." Gem said hugging him. "As soon as we find out who is trying to kill you I'll tell you."

_I hope those photos worked guess I'll find out tomorrow. Otherwise no more car sabotage or bombs it will be time for the direct approach._

_AN: Only two more chapters to go!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 If you knew what I felt.**

_That penthouse apartment is damn near impenetrable. I'll find a way to get to him. I'm clever. He has to leave it sometime__. Or I have to find a way in. I wonder how those photos worked? Guess I'll find out tomorrow._

"You're kidding." Alec guffawed, tickled by Max's predicament. "You can't go anywhere because you're in heat?"

"Yes and stop laughing. It's not funny."

Alec laughed harder. "I can hear how hot and bothered you are over the phone Max. Hey is my voice turning you on? Did you ring me up because you wanted phone sex?"

"I want you dead. I'm just letting you know I'm out of action for the next three days."

Alec chuckled. "Is that so you can get some action?"

"Stop laughing you annoying bastard. Just tell Mole."

Max hung up the phone and turned to Original Cindy. "Zero sympathy from 494."

"Well Boo did you really expect it? He doesn't know what it's like for you. He'll be singing a different tune if it happens to Gem." Original Cindy consoled her friend.

Max squirmed on the sofa. "I feel like I'm going to explode, of all times for Logan to leave me!"

Original Cindy scrutinised her friend closely. "Well you can scratch the itch. Your boy Dalton has been sending you messages every twenty minutes for the past two hours."

Max's cell phone beeped again. Max flung it across the room.

"Tell him where you are Max. O.C. will leave the house." Original Cindy offered. "I don't want to hear you all going at it like alley cats."

"Not helping O.C." Max groaned. God the thought of being in bed with Dalton 'getting busy' as Joshua used to say, was too tempting. This morning had been unbelievable with Dalton. Max wanted sex with the twenty one year old male transgenic even more tonight.

O.C. walked over and picked up the phone. "Ring him girlfriend." She ordered.

Max answered the door half an hour later. Dalton had a bunch of flowers with him, which he threw promptly on the floor when he saw Max's sweating panting state.

The X5 and X6 fell on each other and sank against the wall, tearing at each others clothes.

O.C. came out into the living room. "Bedrooms on the left remember, Max." O.C. mentioned to her friend, putting on her coat. "Have fun Boo."

_The apartment is proving a hard nut to crack but I think I've found a way. I am clever, so clever._

"You are amazing Max." Dalton said kissing her shoulder. They lay naked on the bed intertwined, temporarily satiated.

"So are you Dalton." Max purred. "It's pretty incredible how it feels with each other huh?"

"And you've never been with another X5?" Dalton asked. "I often wondered if you and Alec had ever?"

"God no, He reminds me too much of my brother Ben. I never could get it on with him," Max shuddered in distaste.

"But it was over a year before you and Logan found that virus cure, wasn't there someone in that gap?" Dalton persisted disbelievingly, stroking her hair. "You're so beautiful Max, I can't see you not having a lover in all that time."

Max sat up and gently pushed Dalton away. "Hey I was an ice queen. That's what I got told anyway."

Dalton sat up on one hand and stroked Max's naked back still exploring her body, "By whom?"

Max twisted lithely round and caught his hand, kissing it. "You really aren't going to let this go are you?"

"No, I want to know who my rival out there is." Dalton told her. His eyes had a feral glint to them, as he uttered that statement.

"Your rival's dead." Max said flatly. "He died five years ago, just before the T.C. siege. So don't worry you have no X series competition. I don't want to talk about it. Can we just screw again please?"

"I thought just now we had progressed to making love?" Dalton said hurt.

"You thought wrong." Max said callously. "You're just a fling Dalton. Get it in your head. I have every intention of getting back with Logan." She pushed Dalton back on the bed. "And I know you're not going to care after I've …"

Dalton surrendered and let her go down on him. He could wait. She'd crack eventually, both in loving him and telling him who the X5 was, who had obviously broken her heart.

_I've thought of a good way to get her out of the house too. That way I'll have him by myself for a bit. I need to tell him how clever I've been, how stupid he has been and how I'm going to have her all to myself from now on. Only an hour to go before the breakfast ritual. I wonder how she is after the photos?_

Gem poured Mole, Dix and Luke their morning coffees. "It's a grand day isn't it?" she smiled.

"I'm surprised to see you so cheerful." Mole said picking up a muffin.

"Why? asked Gem, preoccupied with mopping up some spilt milk. She was busier than normal because Dalton had called in, and asked her if he could take a personal day.

"Well someone said, you'd gone home sick yesterday." Mole wondered. "Wasn't that you Dix?"

"Catlady," Dix said, trying to decide between an apricot or apple pastry.

"No I'm fine." Gem laughed.

"Well when is Alec coming back to T.C.?" said Mole. "It isn't working, just doing things backwards and forwards over the internet. And now apparently, Max has got stomach flu too. I didn't think X5s got stomach flu."

"I had stomach flu yesterday." Gem lied. "Must be an X5 mutation but I'm fine now."

"Is that why Dalton isn't here this morning?" Luke asked Gem. "Stomach flu?"

"I guess." Gem lied again.

Dix shook his head. "Striking down X6s too huh?"

"We better notify Dr Carr." Mole said concerned. "Seems like an epidemic."

_Oh come on, stomach flu? How thick does she think I am? She's so beautiful when she lies._

"I think it's over." Max said looking at her self in the bedroom mirror, two days later. "The flushing is gone."

"And you want me gone too?" Dalton's voice sounded upset. Max hardened her heart, it was for his own good. Renfro had been right about one thing Max was poison to everyone she touched, why ruin Daltons promising life?

"I told you you're just a fling, Logan's coming back and we'll get back together."

Dalton shook her impatiently. "Stop living in fantasy land 452! You ordinary husband has left you for good. You don't belong with an ordinary. Transgenics belong with transgenics."

Max took his hand off her shoulder. "I can see Alec schooled you well."

"Yeah he's right, look how happy he and Gem are together. Can you imagine him with that politician Asha Barlow? Don't be stupid, you have been happier with me in the last three days, than you ever were with Logan in the past seven years." Dalton insisted, grabbing her hands and forcing her to look at him in the eyes.

"It's for your own good!" Max emphasised, trying unsuccessfully to get her hands free.

"Who was the other X5, what happened with him?" Dalton demanded, he was damned if he was leaving without hearing the whole story. "Did you push him away too?"

"Yes and I got him killed!" stormed Max. "I'll get you killed or you'll leave me."

"You're probably carrying my child. I'd say I'm going to be in your life for some time to come." Dalton said calmly. "Yes hello Max, three days making love and no contraception while you were in heat. If that doesn't knock you up nothing will."

"I hoped…" Max looked ashamed. "I hoped I might be after this, maybe because you are an X6, it might work."

"Well won't the child get killed or leave you too?" Dalton questioned her logic. "If everyone else does, in your life? Well Honey I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere, till you tell me what happened six years ago."

"Let go of my hands." Max instructed him. Once released, she rubbed them. She had always wanted to tell one other person in the universe about what had happened that April six years ago. "Okay but you can never tell Alec or especially Gem, I told you this."

"My lips are sealed." Dalton promised her.

"When Alec and I were working at Jam Pony, he brought a friend in, Biggs. He was another X5 and Biggs liked me. But I was hung up on Logan. I think I was trying to prove something to myself for years. I could get a decent guy to love me. That I could be ordinary." Max left the bathroom and sat naked on her bed.

Dalton sat beside her and put his arm round her shoulders. "Go on." He encouraged her.

"I only knew Biggs for ten days." Max remembered. "Ten days. Biggs and I…. the last night of his life it turned out. We got drinking and one thing led to another. I wasn't drunk. You know how hard it is for us to get drunk. Anyway we went to bed together and it was … good, almost as good as with you."

Max turned to Dalton with tears in her eyes. "The next morning he wanted to tell Alec, we were a couple and I couldn't. I was pretending to Logan… If you knew how I felt Dalton, I was pretending I was going out with Alec but he didn't know. It just all seemed too overpowering, partly because the night I had just spent with Biggs, had been the most amazing love making I had ever experienced and I didn't want a transgenic partner in my life. I hadn't accepted it about myself.." Max paused. "Can I get dressed?"

Dalton and Max both got dressed in silence. Max went into the kitchen to get a drink of water and Dalton followed her.

"So Biggs got mad at me, like you got. He told me he was having breakfast with Alec and I was a fool, an Ice Queen. When I came to my senses he'd be waiting because I couldn't ignore physical attraction like we had. And he got killed that day, he got lynched and if I had made him stay in bed with me like we both wanted. If I had rung him up during the day and told him yes, I was giving us a fucking chance he would have come back to Terminal City and he'd be alive."

"I have a lot to say about this." Dalton considered. "But why don't you want me to tell Alec and Gem?"

"Because of what happened afterwards." Max put her water down and hugged herself. "We walked back from seeing the body, I started to cry, I told Alec it was all my fault ... why it was all my fault. And Alec said yes it was my fault, for causing Manticore to burn down, for lying to Logan, lying to Biggs, lying to him, crap about us being breeding partners and then he kissed me, tried to force himself on me, to rape me.'

"Alec?" Dalton said disbelievingly shaking his head. Dalton's hero for the past six years a rapist? "I don't believe it."

"I look like my clone obviously," Explained Max, "Alec was in love with Sam. Alec had real psychological problems when he came out of Manticore. Everyone did but the 09 clones more than most. I think he almost snapped that night. But he didn't rape me Dalton". Max reassured a stricken looking Dalton.

"It was ugly." Max shut her eyes in memory of the horrible night. "Alec stopped himself, when I begged him not to. He had overpowered me completely. I always stupidly thought I could whip his ass.. .He ended up crying in my arms. I went back to Terminal City and made Alec bring in guns. I'd resisted doing it till then. We've never mentioned it again to each other. You are the first person I've ever told the whole sordid story to." She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose. "It is an actual relief to get it off my chest."

_Right if this plan doesn't work, nothing will. She'll be out of the house and I'll go to their apartment, pretend I have a document to sign. He's so cocky he'd never suspect me, he hasn't yet after all. Then I'll stab him in the back. Ironic that, I like it. That should take long enough for him to die and me to tell him why I did it. Then I'll wipe the security tapes. Easy too easy. It's why I didn't want to do it before. I'm too clever for this scheme really._

The phone rang in Max's apartment. Gem answered it. "Oh hi Catlady. We've been what? I'll be there right away. Yeah it's terrible."

"What's wrong?" Alec asked concerned.

"Oh, we've been robbed and vandalised at the café. I'll have to go check out the damage." Gem said grabbing her car keys. "All we need huh?"

Gem ran down to her car and got in. She was halfway to Terminal City, when Gem realised she had left her cell phone behind. Crap, she needed to be in contact with Alec at all times. The shop wasn't going to un-vandalise itself if she got there in record time.

Gem turned round and drove back to her apartment. She stood in the elevator looking at her reflection in the stainless steel, was that a pimple? Surely not?

Gem dashed out and ran to the front door unlocking it, she walked over the thresh hold and in to her own little hell.

Alec was lying on the floor bleeding from a back wound and a contusion on his head. He looked like he had put up a hell of a fight. He also looked mortally wounded.

Gem looked at the transgenic who had caused this. He was standing over Alec, looking dismayed at her unexpected re-appearance in the Cale apartment.

"Oh my god!" Gem exclaimed, in total rejection of the scene before her. "It's you!"

_**AN:** heh heh can you guess? Come on take a shot. Gem's dirty secret revealed next chapter. Next chapter, last chapter._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. If you knew what I felt

Part One

Gem dashed out and ran to the front door unlocking it, she walked over the thresh hold and in to her own little hell.

Alec was lying on the floor, bleeding from a back wound and a contusion on his head. He looked like he had put up a hell of a fight. He also looked mortally wounded.

Gem looked at the transgenic who had caused this. He was standing over Alec, looking dismayed at her unexpected re-appearance in the Cale apartment.

"Oh my god!" Gem exclaimed, in total rejection of the scene before her. "It's you!"

Dix stepped away from Alec and put his hands up in appeasement. "Calm down Gem. You'll see it's for the best."

Gem's neurons began to make rapidly firing connections. Who had always hated Sketchy, Dix? Who had always made fun of Joshua's art, Dix? Who had come into the café every single day, Dix? Who was skilled at camera surveillance, Dix? Who had been bioengineered for tunnelling, Dix? Who was always frequenting her café having morning lattes, eating up her left over cake in the afternoon, coming round to her place in Oak Street to tutor Dalton in arithmetic, Dix Dix Dix!

"How could I have been so blind and stupid?" Gem whispered.

"I've often wondered that fact. I know you love me." Dix informed her, with all the conviction of the mentally unbalanced. "You just don't consciously realise the fact yet."

"I thought it was just X5s that went crazy." Gem laughed with a note of hysteria. "Love you, you're hideous. Do you think I could ever let you touch me, after 494? You with your foldy ears, your mole eyes and your bald head. I'd vomit if you laid a finger on me like that. I'm barely able to control a shudder when any of you freaks touch me. All of you disgust me."

Dix went pale. "Don't say that Gem, you can't mean it." Dix cried brokenly.

"Of course I mean it!" Gem spat in hatred at him. "I feel sorry for you guys but you still revolt me. I would far rather the world just contained the X5,6and 8's. The rest of you are sick mistakes, you're the sickest of them all." She advanced towards him. "Get the hell away from my mate."

Alec groaned and Dix looked down startled. Gem sprang across the room at Dix and knocked him off his feet.

Dix grabbed a stone bust of Shakespeare on his way down and tried to hit her with it. Gem snapped his wrist effortlessly. Dix dropped it.

Alec moaned again and struggled to raise him self off the ground.

Dix took the opportunity to try and claw at Gem's face with his undamaged hand. Gem jerked away and punched him. Her cheek bleeding profusely from his nail raking.

"You can't kill me." Dix protested frantically. "You don't have it in you."

"I'm a killer Dix. I was trained for it." Gem pushed her knee in his chest and snapped his good arm. Dix screamed with pain. "I've killed fifteen ordinaries, twelve enemy soldiers, three people in Oregon, so Dalton and I could survive when we got out of Manticore. I never hesitated a second."

"But I'm a transgenic." Dix whimpered disbelieving. "You're so sweet, you couldn't kill one of your own kind."

"Listen you freak piece of filth." Gem laughed cruelly. "The night Manticore burned down, I was in my cell with my breeding partner. The bastard had just finished raping me yet again. It had been going on continuously for ten days." Gem punched Dix viciously in the face again. Disturbed by the memory.

"He had fallen asleep. I couldn't take it anymore. If you knew how I felt! So I snapped his neck as he lay sleeping." Gem smiled satisfied at the memory of it. "He didn't think he was in any danger from sweet little Gem either, even though I'd put up a physical fight every single fucking night. Even though I screamed and begged him not to, every single time. So yes I've killed my own fucking kind okay, just like I'm gonna kill you."

Gem twisted Dix's neck, until she heard a pleasing crack. She picked up the Shakespearian bust and pounded it into his head again and again, until she saw brain matter come out, just to be on the safe side.

"Gem," Alec croaked out to her. "I think he's dead now baby. You can stop."

Gem sprang up and grabbed her cell phone out of her bag. "Mole! It's Gem." she said urgently. "Alec's been stabbed, I need a med team out here right away, we're at Max's place."

She went over to Alec checking him over.

"Why didn't you tell me about Eve's father?" Alec groaned. He cried out in pain as Gem checked his wounded back.

Gem smiled relieved. If it was hurting, it implied he was going to survive. "I thought you might not like Eve, treat her different. If you knew what her father was."

"No, you love Eve, why should I care. Even if you did, I'd still love Eve it's not her fault, it wasn't your fault." Alec gasped. "That's the real reason you never told me huh? You thought I wouldn't understand."

"Yeah," Gem admitted ashamed. "You might not feel safe anymore sleeping with me."

"Gem I am as safe from you, as you are from me." Alec told her. "Whatever that means to people like us. Do you really loathe the freaks?"

"No I just said that to get Dix away from you." Gem said honestly. "I'd still never have sex with any of them."

"I thought we were in a monogamous relationship." Alec joked. "Is there anything else I should know about?"

Part Two

Gem and Alec kissed each other in passing, on their way in and out from their kitchen. Gem was carrying a pile of mini quiches, Alec juggling a pile of empty plates.

"They're like vultures baby." Alec laughed. "This house warming party is going to end up costing us as much as the new back porch."

Gem went into the living room and put the plate down on the table. Mole was happily grazing on the food there.

"This pate is excellent Gem." Mole told her waving a cracker in her face. "Hey have you heard the latest?"

Gem leaned in, interested. Transgenics lived to gossip.

"Dalton and Max are moving into together. And she's retiring from her position as Transgenic Leader, because she's four months pregnant." Mole told her triumphantly.

"Behind the times Mole," Gem chided, disappointed "Every one else has known Max has been pregnant for weeks."

Mole looked downcast. "How about the fact Luke and Catlady are an item?" he said brightening up.

"No, knew that." Gem grinned mischievously. "I can give you some brand new stuff, Alec and I just found out this last week."

"Okay spill." Mole said interested.

"I'm pregnant again." Gem beamed. "Isn't that just great?"

The End

AN: Comments on my very first mystery much appreciated. Oh Agatha Christie my heroine.


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